Monday, February 9, 2015

My Beautiful Crown

My Beautiful Crown, it came from one of the most difficult times of my life. 

I don't want to start this out too heavy & yet, it's the heaviness that has inspired me to write. 

Let me start by saying this, I'm a Christian & I believe that God is good! I am married to Caleb, the most wonderful man in the world & we have a sweet little daughter named Abigail who lives in Heaven. 

Yes, I believe in Heaven & yes, through my hardest times, I still believe - God is good. 

My sweet Abigail was born at 25 weeks. She was with us for 45 days. They were the hardest & the most amazing 45 days of my life. I got to touch & hold & smell & kiss my little girl. 

We prayed & believed that she would make it & that God would heal her of everything that the doctors said was wrong with her. 

We still believe our God heals & that nothing is impossible for Him. I'll tell you, it was the shakiest place I'd ever been at in my faith. I wish I could say I never asked "why?" But I did & I still do sometimes. 

The immediate days following were like nothing else. I ached & cried & struggled to feel God. I often wondered if He was still with me. I can't really even explain the transition, but as I kept doing all the things I had been taught over the years - strength came. The very things I wanted to run from & blame, were the very things that saved me.

It's been 8 months since my little girl went to be with Jesus & I can tell you, I have a beautiful crown. God has begun the work of healing my sorrow & my hurt & my doubt. He has given me joy & peace & healing. I remember my Abigail & all the joy she brought me, and I also look forward to the day I see her again. 

I don't really know what this blog is going to be about, but I can see the work that God is doing in me & if by some chance my story can bring hope to someone who is going through their hardest of times...then Dear God, please use me. 

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