expansion

It's amazing how much the heart can expand. 

It heals, it forgives, it loves, it grows. The heart is a beautiful thing. 

Of course, it does also hurt...but the ability of the heart to heal is amazing. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about my Abigail, but the memories get happier & the pain gets less as my heart heals. 

I felt like I was doomed to pain for the rest of my life after my little girl went to Heaven, but God's promises are true & He really does give you joy for mourning & beauty for ashes. 

I thought I was doomed to have a "pang" in my heart every time I heard that another one of my friend's was pregnant & yet now, I feel as if I can love their babies even more. 

I thought I was doomed to cry every time a new baby was born & I held that new life in my arms, but my heart grew & I'm loving those little babies with all the joy in my heart. 

I won't lie to you & say it's been all peaches & cream - I'm still healing - but God is faithful & the more I allow Him to love me, the more I find my heart expanding and the things that once brought pain, now bring joy.

So don't think you're the first to burst into sad tears & not happy ones when your friends tell you their good news. You'll feel happy for them, sad for you, guilty for feeling sad & a million other things. Go ahead & cry, go ahead & feel those emotions, it's okay, it's normal - and then go to God & let Him continue His work in you. 

Don't hide yourself away from the happy things of life. As much as it hurts, it's part of the healing, and who better to go through it with than those who love you most? We're all put here together to help each other do this thing called life. 

Let those that God has given you help you & let God do His work.

He has all the hope you need. 

-Amie

God knew.

"This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice & be glad in it." 

It's a tough verse to accept when you're going through the worst day of your life. I can't say I thought about this verse at all the day my sweet Abigail went to Heaven, but as I heal & as I look back I see the hope. 

How is it possible to see hope in times like these?! 

God knew. 

& that's where I find my hope. He knew what was going to happen & He knew that if I didn't have Him, all hope would be lost. 

I don't know why she didn't get healed, but I know I'm being healed now. If I continue to live looking back & wondering why this happened to me, I'll miss life. 

The hope of the Christian is that, I will see my little girl again. She's in Heaven & that's where I plan to go because I confess Jesus as my Savior & Lord of my life. 

He didn't take her away from me, but He's holding her for me now. I miss her, but I'm going to see her again. 

So as I continue to live on this earth & accomplish the call that He's placed on my life I can say, "today is the day that He's made & I'm going to rejoice in it."

There's no pain or sorrow that He cannot heal. It might not feel that way now or even for the next weeks or months of your life, but please if you believe nothing else, believe that if you keep turning to Jesus - He will fix what is broken. 

~Amie

My Beautiful Crown

My Beautiful Crown, it came from one of the most difficult times of my life. 

I don't want to start this out too heavy & yet, it's the heaviness that has inspired me to write. 

Let me start by saying this, I'm a Christian & I believe that God is good! I am married to Caleb, the most wonderful man in the world & we have a sweet little daughter named Abigail who lives in Heaven. 

Yes, I believe in Heaven & yes, through my hardest times, I still believe - God is good. 

My sweet Abigail was born at 25 weeks. She was with us for 45 days. They were the hardest & the most amazing 45 days of my life. I got to touch & hold & smell & kiss my little girl. 

We prayed & believed that she would make it & that God would heal her of everything that the doctors said was wrong with her. 

We still believe our God heals & that nothing is impossible for Him. I'll tell you, it was the shakiest place I'd ever been at in my faith. I wish I could say I never asked "why?" But I did & I still do sometimes. 

The immediate days following were like nothing else. I ached & cried & struggled to feel God. I often wondered if He was still with me. I can't really even explain the transition, but as I kept doing all the things I had been taught over the years - strength came. The very things I wanted to run from & blame, were the very things that saved me.

It's been 8 months since my little girl went to be with Jesus & I can tell you, I have a beautiful crown. God has begun the work of healing my sorrow & my hurt & my doubt. He has given me joy & peace & healing. I remember my Abigail & all the joy she brought me, and I also look forward to the day I see her again. 

I don't really know what this blog is going to be about, but I can see the work that God is doing in me & if by some chance my story can bring hope to someone who is going through their hardest of times...then Dear God, please use me.